I see these ads everyday in the free morning paper. This company has been selling various teas and pills not evaluated in any scientific way for years. They prey on the gullible and dim-witted and its a shame that some people would rather send their money to these charlatans rather than see a real doctor.
Much like the letters to Penthouse Magazine, these comments seem made up by someone at the company rather than by anyone who has gotten actual relief from their products.
The names and descriptions are from their website, my snarky comments in red. Also you'll notice the huge number of asterisks in the ads, thats because no medical professional would endorse any of these "products".
Constipation Relief Tea
Daily regularity is taken for granted by many people. However, depending on our diet, a high percentage should use a mild or temporary tea like this, to make sure that waste is moved out of the body as quickly as possible.
Testimonial
I wish I had found your remarkable tea sooner. I used to have trouble going to the bathroom on a regular schedule. After two weeks I'm shitting so often I barely have time to pull up my pants before I go again!
Hearing Health Supplement
Our supplement has been formulated for hearing support and with the purpose of keeping your hearing in check. It is formulated using a unique combination of vitamins, minerals, glandular extracts and bioflavonoids to help support normal hearing function, as well as to promote your body’s balanced aldosterone production. Production of aldosterone may diminish with age. So with this combination of natural ingredients, you’ll have the raw materials needed for your full hearing potential.*
Testimonial
What?!
Forza Sexual Wellness for Men
As men age, there may be a gradual decrease in libido and overall sexual wellness . Some contributing factors include: stress, diet, hormonal changes, lack of exercise and many others common amongst men. Luckily, our experts have formulated Forza, which in Italian means strength, and if it's one group of people who know from chasing women, it's the Italians.
Our exceptional herbal combination does not require a prescription, can be taken anytime, and is easy to use. Time waits on no man! So turn back the hands of time and stop dealing with low energy and low libido. Take hold of your lifestyle and manhood (wink) now with Forza!*
Testimonial
As a 98 year old stick figure in possession of a wrinkled ball sack that hangs so low, I can leave it on my nightstand while I sleep, I just wasn't ready to give up on lovin the ladies. Your pills are a god send, now in defiance of natural law, I can maintain an erection that terrifies everyone in the retirement home cafeteria…and the bedroom.
Bladder Control Tea
Urinary incontinence can be embarrassing and emotionally stressful, which can eventually lead to isolation and depression. There are over 20 million people in North America living with incontinence and every single one of them is in the bathroom right now.*
If you are one of those women and you managed to bring a phone with you into the bathroom, call us now and order! Mention this ad and get a free "Sometimes I pee when I laugh too hard". T-Shirt
Testimonial
I used to miss all the important family functions because I was tinkling every 15 minutes exactly. But no more thanks to your all-natural tea. This year Ill be front and center at my annual KKK Meeting, no problem.
PMS Symptoms Support
PMS symptoms vary from woman to woman, but they often include emotional symptoms like anxiety and irritability. Physical symptoms like fatigue, bloating, and discomfort are also likely to occur due to hormonal imbalance.* Also the urge to curse at nuns, slap small children and order small collectible cat figurines from the internet.
Created with herbs used since ancient times as a women’s stress remedy. Also incorporates Jamaica Dogwood was used for feminine support. Feminine Support? You mean like underwear? As you can imagine, this herb is great for stress levels.*
Testimonial
Thank Jesus for Bell Pharmaceuticals! Every month I was this close to taking an ax to my husbands wang for making me watch Extreme Couponing marathons. I love a bargain as much as the next woman but every damn time they announced the final total Earl would clap and cheer and no one should have to endure that kind of stupid.
* These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. And thats because the FDA is an agency confronted with real legitimate tasks and doesn't have time to fritter away on the mess of stupidity that is homeopathy.These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
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