A: So I’m designing the nursery for my sister-in-law. You already had a kid so any tips on organization/layout/equipment?
Me: Well I’m no expert but the best design would be a room with walls that slope to the middle of the room. At the center would be a drain for the ungodly amount of poop and pee that a newborn produces.
You hang a sprinkler from the ceiling for easy cleanup and maybe a window so it doesn’t have a Skinner Box feel. And the walls should be painted alternating stripes of red and green so the child’s eyeballs are in a constant state of zipping back and forth.
A: That sounds really great. So you just put the baby on the floor?
Me: Well I guess that depends out the degree of slope in the room, doesn’t it? You're the architect...too steep and I guess you gotta suspend the kid from some sort of cabling system or if you’re on a budget, a series of helium balloons.
A: The balloons might be nice, actually. Kind of a whimsical touch.
Me: I agree. You start designing and I'll go find a decent injury attorney.
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