A Day with Google Glass…

So recently a firm in Toronto called Playground, Inc. created a video to show people what it would be like to use Google Glass. For those of you who don't know, Glass is kind of like a pair glasses that provides a heads-up display before your right eye that you interact with verbally.

So if you thought it was irritating before to watch people talking on their BlueTooth, this sets the Stupid Bar even higher.

I've gone thru the video scene by scene because if I don't get this out of my system, It's likely I'll murder someone at my office tomorrow.

The man in the video isn't named but let's call him Richard…cause he is kind of a Dick.
The woman we'll call Claire…cause I think that's a nice name.

One: Man riding bike, checking map and answering an email verbally.

Glass: Email from Scott: Lets change our meeting to 2pm".
Richard: "Ok Glass, reply: Sounds Good".
Glass: "Did you say, you Want Food"?
Richard: "No… sounds good".
Glass: "Did you say "Show Brown Dudes"? Immediately hundreds of naked african american men are being flashed on the display.
Richard: "No, wait! I said…" BAM!
Richard crashes into a mailbox headfirst.

Two: Claire ordering coffee

Claire: "One Americano, Please."
Barista: turns and makes coffee, hands it to her. "Whats on your face"?
Claire: Ignores him, takes coffee.
Glass: "Pay with Debit, Credit or add to enormous college debt account"?
Claire: "Debit".
Glass: "Debiting $882.00 from your checking account".
Claire: "Wait…no"!
Barista: "Thats what you get…idiot".

Three: Richard picks up a pair of headphones at Best Buy

Richard: Holds up the bar code…"Glass, scan now".
Glass: "AnalMaster 2000 Dildo…$23.99".
Richard: "Whoa…thats wrong….Glass, Scan now"
Glass: "Did you say Tan Cows"?
Richard: "No…SCAN NOW! SCAN NOW!
Glass: "Did you say Suzanne's Loud, Spans Brows"?
Richard: "NO, SCAN NOW"!
Glass: "Did you say Bedpan Luau"?
Richard: "ARRRGGHHH"!
Salesperson: "Hey! No screaming in the store"!

Four: Richard goes grocery shopping. Now I was kind of confused by this scene, Richard walks the aisles picking up items and saying out loud: "OK, Glass, Add to Cart." Why doesn't he just physically add the items to his cart? Is it that he wants everyone to know he is a tremendous Richard?

Richard: Gets quart of 2% milk: "Add to Cart".
Glass: "Really ? 2%?... what are you a Half a Mary?"
Richard: "Im lactose intolerant"!
Glass: "Whatever".
Richard: "IT'S TRUE"!!!
Manager: "Hey! No screaming in the store"!

Five: Claire hails a taxi

Claire: "Glass, Taxi to my current location".
Glass: Using Uber, hails a taxi.
Claire: "Glass, 267 Easton Street".
Glass: "Why are you telling me? the driver's 6 inches from your face".
Claire: Leans forward," and please make it quick".
Glass: "Yeah, you don't want to be late in cracking open a box of wine and entertaining strange men. Did you remember to wash your "One Cock at a Time T-Shirt"?
Claire: "Wait, what"?

Six: Claire at Escalator

Claire: "Ok, Glass, Open Fitness Program". A counter shows how many steps she has walked today, she opts to take the stairs over the escalator. At that moment and email comes in:
Doctor: "Just wanted you to know that the Herpes Test came back".
Claire: "Oh shit!, Glass, open phone and cal…." BAM BOOM CRASH!
Falls down whole flight of stairs.
Glass: "That still counts…76 steps".

Seven: Richard encounters an Emergency

Opens Door, Man lying on the floor: "Good One Dad, it's still your turn to make dinner".
Dad: "Hellllp..."
Richard: "Oh Shit!, OK Glass, Call 911"!
Glass: "Did you say Afro Cockpit! Cornball Sun"!
Richard: "Crap, NO! DIAL 911"!
Dad: "my heart…".
Glass: "Did you say I Fart"?
Richard: "911"!
Glass: Accessing your GoogleMusic Account…playing "911 is a Joke" by Public Enemy".
Richard: "ARRRGGGHHHH!!!"
Dad: moans "...no screaming in the living room".