Based on a true story...

How the work crowd chooses a restaurant for lunch when a vegan is involved.

1. Word goes out via email about grabbing lunch. 

2. Everyone meets at the elevator. 

3. Carol announces she is a vegan. 

4. Everyone sighs because lunch just went from enjoyable social activity to a mission more difficult than solving a Rubiks Cube while trapped in a sack, underwater, with your hands tied behind your back. 

5. Once on the street everyone talks among themselves because without a destination in mind, this crowd has just become a dozen random idiots wandering aimlessly in circles. 

6. Suggestions are thrown out in the hope of getting lunch in less than 3 hours.

7. Sushi…Carol can’t eat fish because she once heard about a study that proved that fishes can be melancholy and suffer from depression.

7. Someone says Soup…Carol asks if the vegetables they use are carefully sung to sleep every night before they are harvested lovingly by gentle hands.

8. How about Panini…Carol says bread shouldn’t be squeezed in a hot press without it's full consent.

9. Wendy’s? Carol about faints.

10. Pizza? Carol says it's wrong to steal the milk from cows to make cheese. And it's not fair to single out tomatoes to make sauce.

11. 20 Minutes have passed…Carol announces that she knows a place where they serve “regular food” along with vegan food…this is a filthy lie. 

12. Carol directs everyone to "Soys R Us" where everyone…and I mean everyone will be miserable. 

13. Upon arriving there is no wait of course, you are directed to a table made from re-sourced wood (it's a men's room door from a bar that closed months ago, the doorknob is still attached) by a filthy hippie chick (“Feather”) who carries the stench of patchouli oil, wearing a dirty afghan (made from wool no doubt donated by the alpaca with its full permission). Nothing in the “restaurant” matches since all the decor has been recovered from the local trash which is great for the environment but means that one of your party is sitting on a cracked scavenged toilet. 

14. Everyone is handed menus and find to their horror but no surprise that the only thing on the menu worth eating, is the menu itself.

Bon appetit.