Help, I've been Milkshook!

Awesome snack today...

Matt Kuscher, owner of Kush, LoKal and The Spillover have just opened an oh-so-awesome nod to the 80's... Vicky’s House Milkshake Bar and Tasting Room.

To add to the sense of nostalgia, the small shop is a recreation of Kuscher mother’s house circa 1986, who the space was named after. Kuscher said that since his mother never threw anything away, he was able to duplicate her entire kitchen from the floors, to the cabinets, to the wallpaper and even the chandeliers, see for yourself...

Renee got The Golden Girls: Banana Milkshake with a cream cheese frosting rim, Golden Grahams Cereal, Toffee Bits, Whipped Cream, Caramel, A Twinkie, A Vanilla Wafer and a homemade Blondie...with a cherry on top.

I got The Breakfast Club: Vanilla Milkshake with a peanut butter rim, Captain Crunch Cereal, Whipped Cream, Maple Syrup, Miami Smokers Bacon, Glazed Donut from The Salty Donut and a shot of espresso.

Breakfast, anyone?

Infotainment...

You can't change me...

Somebody's got a poopy diaper...

Food or Fud?

I understand the basics behind eating Vegan, I get the idea of wanting to do good for the environment and your body but for the life of me, the food just sounds awful…everything seems to be a substitute for something good, every item seems to be an “OK” version of the stuff that tastes great.

Eating is one of life's pleasures, it shouldn’t be a chore, a platform to attack others or an excuse to make social life difficult for everyone around you…And I don’t understand people going to these lengths to eat “healthy” especially when they promote pseudo-science to back themselves up.

Lastly, it seems you can’t be a Vegan without constantly criticizing and making others feel bad because they aren’t as enlightened as you think you are, oftentimes using the aforementioned pseudo-science to back up your lifestyle choice.

It’s like if I wandered around bothering people by telling them how much sleep I get every night, calling them at all hours, even interrupting their night's sleep just to tell them how much sleep I get. How much better I sleep, how good my sleep is for the environment, how no cows were killed by my sleeping, no one made a coat using the fur from the mink's I was dreaming about etc.

This info came from a site I happened upon (the article is in red, my annoying comments in black) and it’s pretty typical in its description of foods that you can eat instead of being happy…

Milk Substitutes 

First of all, there is no substitute for milk and if it didn’t come out of a tit, it ain't milk. Having said that…

Rice, almond, hemp, cashew, oat or soy milk. None of these things are milk, they are seeds or beans that are crushed with water. By that definition, if I smash Gummi Bears with water I have Gummi Milk.

The writer of the blog notes: There are brands of non-dairy milk that incorporate added fats and sweeteners including cane juice and brown rice syrup. 

And the reason, of course, is that without any additives at all, these liquids taste like you just licked the inside of a ferret’s butt.

Butter Substitutes 

I’ve always hated margarine and its vicious disgusting cousin the flavored oils. You might as well smear petroleum jelly on your fuckin bagel. Same texture, same flavor, same speed in evacuating your bowels without warning.

The writer recommends Earth Balance. I went to their website. By law, they must call their product a spread. Which makes sense because after you eat it, you're on a countdown to when you’ll have to spread your cheeks as it rockets out that end of you. And I'm not saying anything but below is a picture from their website showing what you can make with their spreads…

Cheese Substitutes

OK this section really made me crazy. I was going to write "nuts" until I realized the hidden joke, so read on. She writes:

If you like cheese on popcorn, I highly recommend nutritional yeast. It has a similar salty, nutty taste like parmesan and is delicious sprinkled on popcorn. It is also a great cheese replacement for baked macaroni and cheese. 

I highly recommend using it as well, if you like substituting misery for happiness. Here is an interesting question, how come Vegans don't mind killing trillions and trillions of little “yeastlings” but get mad when you carve up a cow? Is it because yeast isn’t cute? I beg to differ…

She goes on: For pasta, I like to grind up some pine nuts and sprinkle them on top. It adds a creamy and salty taste much like parmesan cheese.

I can assure you it is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE PARMESAN CHEESE. It’s like saying, I used a tack-hammer to scrape the rubber soles of my shoe into my oatmeal, it’s just like brown sugar.

I also like Miyoko’s Kitchen vegan mozzarella.

I checked this crap out as well, its so far from true mozzarella that the label calls it “mozz”. She has the utter audacity to compare it to Mozzarella Di Bufala…which she spells wrong by the way. But here are the ingredients, let's compare them, shall we…

Mozzarella di buffalo: milk

Miyokos Fresh VeganMozz: Water, Organic Coconut Oil, Organic Cashews, Organic Tapioca Starch, Agar, Sea Salt, Cultures.

Egg Substitutes

I have tried every vegan egg binder imaginable, and I still haven’t found one that can hold a vegan burger together perfectly.

Ugh really? The reason you can’t find a good egg substitute to hold a vegan burger together is there is no such thing as a vegan burger... there is only a sad patty made from the stuff found on forest floors, drizzled with the tears of whoever was forced to make that abomination in the first place.

Meat Substitutes 

Gardein Fresh & Frozen Products – I particularly like the vegan turkey cutlets with gravy, and they also have beef strips which work nicely marinated for tacos.

For legal reasons, I'm sure, they call their product Chick’n and here is comparison between their chicken cutlets and mine…

Dave’s Chicken Cutlets: Chicken, breadcrumbs, egg, milk, parmesan cheese.

Chick’n: water, soy protein isolate*, expeller pressed canola oil*, vital wheat gluten*, methylcellulose, organic ancient grain flour (KAMUT® khorasan wheat, amaranth, millet, quinoa), yeast extract, garlic powder, natural flavor (from plant sources), potato starch, sea salt, organic cane sugar, white distilled vinegar, organic soy sauce, color added, onion powder, pea protein, carrot fiber, beetroot fiber, turmeric and paprika extracts. seven grain breading: water, enriched wheat flour (wheat flour*, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), rice flour, oat bran, oats, salt, sugar, spices, quinoa flour, amaranth flour, millet flour, KAMUT® khorasan wheat, sea salt, soy bean oil, leavening (baking soda, cream of tartar), yeast, paprika extract. *Non-genetically engineered soybeans, wheat and canola.

Mmmmmmm…tasty.

Condiments 

Vegan Mayonnaise – There are many manufacturers of vegan mayonnaise. 

I don't know why this is as it all tastes like deep-fried taint. These bozos went to the trouble of trademarking their motto “Better than mayo” which is such a tremendous lie that I’m surprised it didn't originate in one of Donald Trump's Tweets.

Plant-Based Meat Substitutes 

Tempeh: Just look at these photos, it looks like knuckles mixed with glue and spackle. 

How about this pic, looks like the cross section of someone's turd.

Seitan: Oh…My…God, this looks like boiled turtle dicks in Gravy Train. I can’t believe this exists at all. It looks to have been created in defiance of any possible God. 

If I was faced wth the choice of imminent death or eating this vulgar thing, 

I couldn’t load the gun fast enough.

                                                                                                                                                    

Based on a true story...

How the work crowd chooses a restaurant for lunch when a vegan is involved.

1. Word goes out via email about grabbing lunch. 

2. Everyone meets at the elevator. 

3. Carol announces she is a vegan. 

4. Everyone sighs because lunch just went from enjoyable social activity to a mission more difficult than solving a Rubiks Cube while trapped in a sack, underwater, with your hands tied behind your back. 

5. Once on the street everyone talks among themselves because without a destination in mind, this crowd has just become a dozen random idiots wandering aimlessly in circles. 

6. Suggestions are thrown out in the hope of getting lunch in less than 3 hours.

7. Sushi…Carol can’t eat fish because she once heard about a study that proved that fishes can be melancholy and suffer from depression.

7. Someone says Soup…Carol asks if the vegetables they use are carefully sung to sleep every night before they are harvested lovingly by gentle hands.

8. How about Panini…Carol says bread shouldn’t be squeezed in a hot press without it's full consent.

9. Wendy’s? Carol about faints.

10. Pizza? Carol says it's wrong to steal the milk from cows to make cheese. And it's not fair to single out tomatoes to make sauce.

11. 20 Minutes have passed…Carol announces that she knows a place where they serve “regular food” along with vegan food…this is a filthy lie. 

12. Carol directs everyone to "Soys R Us" where everyone…and I mean everyone will be miserable. 

13. Upon arriving there is no wait of course, you are directed to a table made from re-sourced wood (it's a men's room door from a bar that closed months ago, the doorknob is still attached) by a filthy hippie chick (“Feather”) who carries the stench of patchouli oil, wearing a dirty afghan (made from wool no doubt donated by the alpaca with its full permission). Nothing in the “restaurant” matches since all the decor has been recovered from the local trash which is great for the environment but means that one of your party is sitting on a cracked scavenged toilet. 

14. Everyone is handed menus and find to their horror but no surprise that the only thing on the menu worth eating, is the menu itself.

Bon appetit.

MarvelMania Continues!

And my witty response...

10 lbs of crazy in a 5 lb bag...

The Internet is a really amazing, inspiring, powerful tool that just so also happens to be a place where any berzerk, off-their-meds individuals are free to voice their opinions no matter how bugfuck nuts they might be.

I wandered onto this website, exopolitics.org. Check it out if you want to lose your mind It appears to be run by a single person who claims to be an expert in the political environment and how its currently affected by a series of theories so bizarre that there must be absolutely huge quantities of LSD involved.

Here is an article from the page I landed on…

Moon is Artificial & Arrived with Refugees from Destroyed Planet in Asteroid Belt

According to secret space program whistleblower Corey Goode, there was once a “Super Earth” in the asteroid belt with human looking giants who were involved in a devastating galactic war that destroyed their planet. Goode claims in yesterday’s episode of Cosmic Disclosure that many of the giants fled the destruction via one of their artificially created moons, which was sent into an orbit around the Earth approximately 500,000 years ago.

Goode says that the smart glass pads he read during his 20 year service with different secret space programs from 1987 to 2007 provided two explanations for the moon’s artificial nature. One was that it was a hollowed out natural moon, and the second was that it was a giant orbiting space station.

Goode then says that waves of refugees from the Super Earth began arriving on Earth during different stages in the period spanning the former planet’s destruction. One of these waves was associated with the arrival of the Moon that was teeming with refugees.

The refugees arrival on Earth created armed conflict with advanced indigenous human groups that had previously escaped into the Earth’s interior from cataclysms, and were helping survivors on the surface rebuild society. In previous episodes, Goode says that these breakaway “Inner Earth” groups date as far back as 18 million years, inhabit vast caverns as large as the U.S. state of Texas, and possess advanced space craft.

In addition, different extraterrestrial groups had established colonies on the Earth’s surface where long term genetic experiments had begun – 22 according to Goode and the contactee, Alex Collier. The arrival of the different extraterrestrial groups and their genetic manipulation of surface humans had previously created conflict between the Inner Earth civilizations and the extraterrestrial human hybrid colonies on the surface.

The arrival of the Moon with refugees possessing advanced technologies threatened to upset the delicate balance of power that had been achieved on the Earth between the Inner Earth and surface civilizations. There were subsequent military battles between the Inner Earth civilizations, extraterrestrial visitors and the Super Earth refugees on the Moon, according to Goode.

Evidence of these ancient Moon battles can be witnessed today in the form of the remnants of giant crystal domes, huge towers and square structures, which Goode says he directly witnessed while flying over the moon’s surface. Support for Goode’s astounding claim comes from the research of Richard Hoagland who has conducted extensive digital analysis of much NASA lunar imagery, which he concluded revealed the remnants of giant glass/crystal structures all over the Moon.

Anyway the only thing more fun than the articles are the comments that followed and Holy Crap I hope that these are just trolls and not serious people:

This hypothesis is NOT fact and there is no proof whatsoever. We live on a flat earth and have never been to "space" and so called planets are luminaries and easily seen by rtelscope to be so and not solid masses or spinning objects. Globalism is a complete masonic fraud.

Since late 1700s observers have noted that the moon is opaque and that stars or luminaries can be seen through it. The moon is porbably/possibly a disc and not the solid ball promoted by NASA CGI. Also the moon does not reflect light of the sun because the sun and moon have dikfferent properties...sun is hot and can cure food...moon is cold and putrifying. Moonlight is colder than shade. There are many videos demonstrating this. We know nothing about the sun and the moon....everything that so called scientific "experts" sprout is absolute speculation and fantasy including the supposed distances from Flat Earth... do some research and see how you have been lied to and mind controlled.

If we "know nothing about the sun and moon" how do you (or anyone) know that moonlight is "colder than shade"? And are you freaking serious??? MOONLIGHT??

Good article. What a riveting story! One major comment by David Wilcock was overlooked in it, however, as DW claims his insiders allege the majority of the Maldekian Giants of Tiamat who escaped in the Luna Ark perished anyway as the moon was so violently hammered. The interior of Luna must be full of corpses and other remains. DW claims a few of the Maldekians survived. I don't know if they and their "ark" were in any shape to battle anyone and thus were at the mercy of other raiders & invaders.

All along I wrongly believed that the moon was placed by evil beings, to spying and control our Human population. It is always a pleasure to find out that certain aspects aren't as they seamed. Another Evolutive example of an assumption that needed more clarity.

What no one talks of is that we were created with 2 strand DNA. Dosnt this fact make anyone think? The count of DNA strands for off world beings is known to be at least 12 strand DNA. So you think a 2 strand DNA being such as us have the ability to pull ourselves up by our boot straps and we are hitting on only two cylinders instead of 12... This is why we are still enslaved by those who have 12 strand DNA. The only way we will be fully conscious is if our DNA is completed and that will take Divinely inspired intervention and a mass healing.

Yes, the moon has many secrets and ALSO Helium-3 ! I choose not to visit the moon while the Dark Fleet Base is there.

…and with that I bid you a fond farewell from the internet, 

where the lunatics of tomorrow are wreaking havoc today!

I don't understand what you're sayin...

Found this online, maybe this will help if you visit Miami...

chonga [chohn-ga]

Miami’s most infamous female. Traits include dark lip liner, gelled hair, large hoop earrings with her name written inside, a tight crop top and coochie cutters. Found in her native habitat of Hialeah, although she does venture out from time to time.

Example: “Calle Ocho was filled with chongas this year.”

papi chulo [pah-pee choo-low]

Literal Translation: pimp daddy This term has evolved from referring to a Hispanic “bro” who likes to think he’s a ladies man to a guy that’s so painfully good looking he actually is.

pata sucia [pah-tah sū-see-ya]

Literal Translation: dirty foot A girl that has taken her shoes off at the club after one too many vodka sodas and multiple hours of bumpin’ and grindin’. She can no longer walk in her 6-inch heels and going barefoot is her only viable option.

pero, like… I can’t [peh-roh lahyk ahy kant]

Literal Translation: but, like… I can’t Usually said by a girl that just cannot deal with the situation at hand.

Example: “Can you believe Juan got back together with Coquincita after she cheated on him with his brother?  “Pero, like… I can’t.”

dasit [dahs-EET]

Definition: Spanglish version of “that’s it.” This brings us to an interesting topic, many words that begin with “th” are replaced with a "da" sound. To wit: “that” becomes “dat,” “this” morphs into “dis,” etc.

Example: At the ventanita: “Half an order of pastelitos, dasit.”

dale [dah-LAY]

Definition: For some people, it is a universal term for just about anything. It has a variety of meanings, from agreement, to let’s do it, to a way to express excitement. It can even stand alone as its own sentence.

eating shit

Definition: Oddly enough, it translates to “doing nothing.” If you actually think about it, this is the worst of them. It comes from the older set who say “come mierda.”

Example: “Oye papo, whatchu been up to today?" "Nothing, eating shit.”

irregardless

Definition: Miami’s version of regardless

Example:  “I’m gonna buy this beachfront property irregardless of climate change.”

leeeterally [LEEE-ter-UH-leee]

Definition: Miami’s version of literally, which means “in actuality.” Used as an adjective to add emphasis, but counters the actual meaning of the word.

Example: “It’s leeeterally 1,000 degrees outside.”

refi [REF-ee]

Definition: Derogatory word for someone that is off the boat from Cuba or in more general terms, a refugee

Example: “Usnavi is as refi and straight off the boat as you can get.”

supposably

Definition: Miami’s version of supposedly

Example: Caro is supposably going on a date with Carlos this weekend.”

suuuper [Sooooooper]

Definition: Similar to “very” or “a lot.” The most popular, yet least creative adjective you could possibly ever add to something.

Example: “Traffic was liiike suuuper bad dis morning.”

Also, for a video tutorial please head to Youtube and watch: 
"Shit Miami Girls Say...and guys" and Shit Miami Girls Say...and guys Part 2

It will explain everything.

Where you at, bro...

Click to embiggen...

An Idiot says what...

From io9.com...

In an interview that aired Wednesday morning, Donald Trump told Fox News’s Maria Bartiromo in exquisitely vague detail all about how he told Chinese President Xi Jinping how he had launched missiles at the wrong country.

Shortly after Trump ordered the launch of 59 Tomahawk Cruise missiles at an airbase in Syria, he told Xi about it over dinner at his Florida country club Mar-a-Lago. In their conversation, Bartiromo asked Trump how that conversation went. Was it over a rarely-cooked steak of white horned rhinoceros / Did Trump try to make a joke to lighten the mood? Did he mime tenderly patting Ivanka’s tear streaked cheeks?

“I was sitting at the table we had finished dinner we’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen,” Trump said, gesturing at how large the cake was (about the size of a biggish infant). “And President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do? And we made a determination to do. So the missiles were on the way.”

“So I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you—this is during —we’ve just fired 59 missiles, all of which hit by the way. Unbelievable, from hundreds of miles away, all of which hit, amazing, so incredible, it’s brilliant, it’s genius, our technology, our equipment is better than anybody by a factor of five...” he continues, becoming slightly distracted and embarking upon a tangent in which he praises our military equipment for functioning properly (though, to be fair, that’s quite unusual for things—missiles or otherwise—with the Trump name on it).

“So what happens is, I said, we just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq—”

“Heading towards Syria?” Bartiromo corrects him.

“Yes, heading toward Syria.”

God, he sounds like such an asshole.

The Conquistador de Amore...

Look at it...

Isn't it magnificent?

It frightens you…

It intrigues you...

It's like looking into the face of God...

You don't dare look away...

You want to...

Yet you can't...

You want to go there...

...but unless you have a 50-gallon drum of bleach...you shouldn't.

El Paraiso Motel.

Question and Answer with the manager of the Champagne VIP Suites:

Q. Let's cut to the chase, can I gets my drank on?

A. Of course you can, we have only the finest top-shelf booze and there is nothing like hand-made mojitos delivered to your room where you can answer the door wearing nothing but a dirty sock on your tallywhacker.

Q. Does each room have its own ice maker or do I gotta walk down a long hall while listening to the sounds of other people doing terrible and potentially nightmarish things to one another?

A. Each of our love sanctuaries has its own ice maker, use it for drinks or to play the cherished game "Skiing Down Mrs. Claus While Santa’s Away"… it’s up to you.

Q. What about my toonage, my good fellow?

A. Check it, we got an iPod docking station in each Shack D’Amore…bring your own music cause no one but you knows what you wanna hear while getting freaky, maybe it’s Elvis, maybe it’s the theme from Sesame Street, maybe it’s Beyonce and maybe it’s the super patriotic marching music of John Philip Souza…you degenerate.

Q. Where do I park my 1986 El Camino with its fine spinning rims?

A. Each of our Suites has its own private parking garage. Cause no one needs to see you unpacking a Batman costume, a life preserver, 5 lbs of flour, book cover laminator, bike pump and a garbage bag filled with stuffed animals, 

Q. What if we’re done but we still got time on the room?

A. Feel free to catch up on episodes of I Love Lucy, Full House, Star Trek or even Little House on the Praire on your in-room 128” flat panel TV.

Q. What else do you offer at this amazing Casa De Naked?

A. Oodles, my man…We have the Fantasy Shower where you can peep thru a window at your significant other while they wash their pits. 

You can indulge in a Love Swish in our patented 2-story Champagne Whirlpool…get your woman to sit in it while you go downstairs and look at her ass pressed up against the glass…classy as hell.

 

Make use of our Wet Love Chair, it has all the drama, mystery and romantic appeal of a gynecological exam but without the co-pay.

You can use our Dance Pole. There is nothing sexier on this earth than a 58-year-old naked fat man trying to do an effortless Spinning Bobblehead, the Dirty Raven or better yet the Spinning Fuckaloo.

Mirrors, we got mirrors! Some of our rooms have been specially designed for you to enjoy the art of love from every angle along with the very real possibility that every single perverted thing you are doing is being viewed and recorded…yes, even that thing with the salamander dressed as Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Or you can use our regular Love Chair, just like the wet chair…but dry.

Q. Damn, son…I’m sold, where are you located? In the real fancy part of town?

A. Hell to the Na, we’re in freakin Hialeah. So come see us, you won’t be sorry... until the next day.

3 HRS. $79.00 

EVERY EXTRA HOUR $20.00