Udderly Ridiculous.

The other night I had the strangest dream...

In it, my wife came to me and said she had to confess a terrible, deep, dark, secret and that she was worried I might never be able to forgive her.

She said, I have secretly been working on a weapon.

I was dumbfounded.

She went on to explain that she had been doing research late at night and was now ready to release her findings to the public at large.

I didn't know what to say.

She continued…"You see if you get under a cow and rub its teats together, it creates sparks, then you blow those sparks towards its butt and when it farts, its creates a huge explosion".

I, of course had many questions…foremost of them was, had she in fact taken too much allergy medication again.

Before I could continue the conversation, I was awoken from sleep and knew I had to jot down my real questions, those same hard-hitting and insightful questions that drive great online journalists like me and also to a certain extent Tom Brokaw to get the truth.

1. How did she find volunteers to lay under the cows?

2. Does it matter which of the 4 teats you rub together?

3. How do you sneak cows and their "handlers' into enemy territory without trouble?

4. And of course, in a nod to the great Dave Barry, wouldn't Walking Cow Bombs be a great name for a band?