What sort of Douchebaggery is this? I'll tell you what kind.
This is proof beyond question that anyone…anyone at all can get a job.
HE’S CLEARLY NOT FROM AROUND HERE
I dreamt I saw smoke and explosions outside my window in the distance. I went outside, walked to the corner and saw a young man with four nostrils in a chevron shape. I knew he wasn’t from around here.I kept walking and saw four more men like him sitting in a stairwell of a building. The alien “leader” reached out to shake hands and said there was some kind of war going on but I was safe because I was in their territory. As I walked back home, he said we’d see each other again soon. When I awakened I felt indescribably strange. Please decode this dream. - Gerry "Baby Wipes" Honan
Lauren Lawrence's Analysis: Dreaming of aliens is fairly common as they often symbolize the deceased who can no longer be communicated with or seen, and whose lifestyle can no longer be assessed in human terms. These dreams often express the dreamer’s own sense of alienation from society: of being disconnected or cut off from the world. Seeing explosions outside a window indicates worry, fear or depression: An internal battle is raging. The handshake gives reassurance of a wishful bond or union with someone who has passed. Higher powers are needed. Senses must be sharpened. It is time to breathe deep.
Dave the Stupid Whisperer's Analysis: I dreamt I saw smoke and explosions outside my window in the distance. This means you live in the Bronx. I went outside, walked to the corner and saw a young man with four nostrils in a chevron shape. This means you hate Mercedes Benz. I knew he wasn’t from around here. Clearly you have never been to Nostrilandia… great town, take some time to visit NasoLand and don't forget to try their Gourmet Pretzels in the green dipping sauce, served in a giant replica of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Nose. I kept walking and saw four more men like him sitting in a stairwell of a building. The alien “leader” reached out to shake hands and said there was some kind of war going on but I was safe because I was in their territory. This sounds like you were watching The Warriors on cable before you fell asleep. As I walked back home, he said we’d see each other again soon. This means he misinterpreted the handshake and wants to meet you at home so he can do "butt-things" to you. When I awakened I felt indescribably strange. And let me guess, your sheets were damp? Please decode this dream. I tried.
HOW SHE COPES WITH A LOSS
In reality, my son was murdered five months ago. I recently dreamt that he was riding shirtless on a black horse. He seemed angry and was telling the horse to run fast. Please let me know what this means. - Maria "Oedipus Rex" Perez
Lauren Lawrence's Analysis:The dream is working through the loss of your son. As such, there is the wish that he had gotten away, escaped from his awful demise. The dark horse symbolism may reflect your wish to have reined him in. Shirtless, your son reveals that he has gotten something off his chest: You wish to do the same. The anger you perceive is your anger over his death.
Dave the Stupid Whisperer's Analysis: The dream is working through the loss of your son. Or it means you still feel guilty from that one time he beat you at Connect Four and you said "I hope you die, you cheating bastard!". As such, there is the wish that he had gotten away, escaped from his awful demise. But he didn't and at least the detective didn't ask too many questions. The dark horse symbolism may reflect your wish to have reined him in. Or it could mean that he always wanted to buy a vintage 1969 Mustang. Shirtless, your son reveals that he has gotten something off his chest: That is correct…his shirt. You wish to do the same. Next time you go shopping at Waldbaums, go topless, it will help you connect to his ghost. The anger you perceive is your anger over his death.
LET LAUREN INTERPRET YOUR DREAM!
After all what have you got to lose..you're already so dumb you think asking a half-wit with a psych degree has the answer to your crippled mental state. Send your name, address and dream details to yourdreams@nydailynews.com. Submissions may be edited for clarity and content. Also spelling and grammar will be corrected so you don't look quite so dumb.
Bonus Round!…if you are wondering what Lauren Lawrence looks like, here is her authors photo from Amazon where she is clearly trying out for a part in a porno. My wife thinks she looks like a real-life blow-up doll.
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