I received this email from the GOP the other day. Yes, kiddies its time to get out your checkbooks and give money to people who are often so stupid they they still think that God punishes gay marriage by sending hurricanes to flatten innocent people and their homes. I responded to it the same day, my answers in red…and it went like this:
David, (See we are on a first name basis…I am a personal friend and confidant of whichever team of linguistic imbeciles hashed this together late one night while wasting my tax money on booze and coke.
According to every recent poll, nearly two out of three Americans believe our country is on the wrong track. This isn't a good metric, nearly 2 out of 3 Americans believe that the Kardashians are interesting.
It doesn't have to be this way — and it won't be when Republicans win back the White House in 2016. We have a plan for getting America back on track: our Principles for American Renewal. Yep we can get back to the Utopia that was the "pre-Obama Era", when everything was great, there was no issue with mortgages, no homeless people, we werent mired in yet another un-winable war and everyone had enough to eat and great healthcare and the divorce rate was zero and there wasn't a gay person as far as the eye could see…yep I remember it well. Why can't we go back to that?
Here are just 10 reasons why we must win in 2016:
To preserve our Constitution, I don't know why they care about it… I mean its not like republicans or democrats have taken the time to actually read the damn thing.
To grow America's economy. Thats what Obama did, the last republican George "scrambled eggs for brains" Bush drove unemployment up, gave more money to the rich under a demented "trickle down" theory and basically proved that an illiterate pinhead with the face of a shaved monkey could be elected if you have enough money.
To balance our nation's budget Good luck, I have that solution right here, everyone in politics should only have a $55,000 salary, must not accept gifts of any kind and must at the end of 4 years show that they contributed in some meaningful way to the people they serve, otherwise they are automatically fired. How's that?
To start over with real health care reform You mean like we had before Obama, a system where the richest have the best coverage the middle class take whatever they can get even if it means incurring a debt that will eventually bankrupt your family and the poor just "make do"?
To give our veterans the respect, care and benefits they deserve. Give me a break...All politicians care about is having enough able bodies to go out and kill whoever they feel is our enemy at the moment. It would really help them a lot if the veterans could find a way to die just before they came home.
To strengthen our military and secure our borders Yep we need this more than ever, if one more Mexican crosses the border, it all falls apart for us. It's Mad Max and the Fury Road. And of course we need more military buildup since we are now no longer fighting conventional wars, god forbid we change with the times.
To give every child the opportunity for a great education Or at least the white rich ones…they need it the most, don't you think?
To create an environment that fosters upward mobility This is just stupid…the rich don't want that, they like being at the top. If you let everyone into your club it stops being exclusive, you know what I mean?
To defend the values of family, life, religious liberty and hard work No politician is interested in this either unless you mean marriage is for one man and one woman, children should be raised with a bible in their hand instead of a textbook and hard work is what you consider it when you have to write the $25 Christmas bonus to the nanny who actually raises your kids.
To secure American energy independence And by that we mean dig up the Alaskan preserve, set up fracking machinery everywhere by ripping people off for their land and then making them move somewhere they can't afford to live all while polluting the earth to a degree that the very water and soil poisons people living miles away.
These are the core principles that unite and define us as Republicans. These are the principles that inspire and guide our policymaking. And these are the principles that will get our country moving in the right direction. Again, this simply isn't true, this is just middle aged white people who want all the money and resources and fuck everyone else…you know: the rest of us...who actually pay them for the privilege.
Thanks,
Sharon Day, RNC Co-Chair
So fuck you and the rest of the greedy shitheads you represent. If you really want to help me and the rest of the decent people in this country, you would get all the assholes you work with and launch yourselves into the sun as soon as humanly possible.
Thanks for listening.
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