C'mon...it's only once a year!

So the wife asked me what I would like for Father's Day. Let’s see…

7:00 am I should be awaked by the sound of a golden lute being played by you (you should be topless of course). Ava should be downstairs washing dishes and sweeping.

7:30 – Breakfast in bed, crepes, strawberries and fresh cream. You should move my jaw so I don't have to expend energy chewing.

8:00 – You should draw me a warm bubble bath and then wash me from head to toe, working especially on the feet to promote the Jesus Christ metaphor. Ava should be cleaning the pool of leaves.

8:30 – 9:30 – I will play Androids from Dimension X vs.The Space Zombies, a 3-act play populated entirely by my Legos.

10:00 – You drive me to the movies so I can see Green Lantern. I want a bag of Twizzlers, small popcorn, medium Dr. Pepper. You will stand in the back of the theater, if anyone dares to talk., you will sneak up behind them and strike then with a sock full of nickels. (You must supply your own nickels and sock).

1:00 pm – Lunch – Your choice of meal but it had better be perfect and if anything has mushrooms in it, I’m sending it back….frisbee-style.

2:00 – Nap. Ava should re-shingle the roof…quietly

3:00 – I must be awakened by you gently tugging on my yam bag. Please be gentle. Ava should be doing the recycling and if there’s time, re-paving the driveway.

4:00 – Nap.

5:30 – I should be awakened by the scent of chicken fried steak, biscuits and sawmill gravy wafting over me. Ava should set the table and do all the dishes.

6:00 – Dinner

7:00 – Evening Entertainment - you and Ava will act out The Empire Strikes Back, playing each and every part, reciting each line. I will play the part of Han Solo's TaunTaun. Please leave at least 3 hours for this including costume changes.

10:00 – Ava to bed. She’s earned it.

11:00 – Time to participate in Adult Evening Entertainment. Now it’s Dave’s time to shine.

12:00 – Good night.