The signpost up ahead says...

Watch with joy and amazement as I attempt to alienate everyone I know, myself included in a single post… Hang on…

I think everyone has lofty ambitions when they leave college. Everything is new and the road is wide open.

But then you get to a job and things start to flatline, cause reality has a nasty way of creeping in and sometimes kicking you in the ass…

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So... if you're a Marketing major you tell people that you want to help the right customers get the right product at the right price. And after a few weeks you realize that the right customer is anyone who won't hang up on you, the right product is whichever one your company sells and the right price is whatever amount you can convince someone to give you.

If you're an Art major, you have visions of gallery owners clamoring for your edgy work to be in their galleries. But after a few weeks you realize the the work you did in school was only edgy in the sense that everyone hates it and only job you can get is cleaning up after hours at a gallery and the owner is clamoring for you to unclog the toilet.

If you're a Business major you've spent 4 years studying theory and case studies and are one of the few people who actually understand what the Dow Jones does. Then after a few weeks you realize that every single successful business stays the hell away from theories and case studies and forges their own unique path which is why they are successful and you are a barista at Starbucks.

If you're an English Major, you're certain you have the next great novel in you, you know it's just a matter of time, time spent editing other people's books and slowly reducing your dreams until your best bet is to produce a children's book featuring an imbecile tree sloth and how he learns the meaning of Arbor Day or some crap. 

So you've majored in Philosophy and somehow despite all odds and defying common sense you have managed to convince yourself that it's a relevant major and a good way to earn a living. But after you graduate you find that no one will take you seriously except as the punchline to a joke and the only way you can consider yourself relevant is because if you aren't at work to hear the buzzer, then the fries will burn.

So you majored in Hospitality and tell anyone who will listen how crazy you are about hotels and resorts and generally finding any way possible to ensure that your clients have the best possible vacation they can. And after 6 months on a cruise ship cleaning up after kids who tear their diapers off in the pool and people who complain that there's not enough food even though it's available 24 hours a day, you realize that you have become very, very interested in the ships construction diagrams if only because you need to find the absolute perfect place to drill a hole and sink that cursed vessel.

If you're an Interior Designer, you can't wait to get into the real world so you can show how passionate you are about design and building a creative and original presence in the design field. And then after 8 months you realize that all interior design comes from stealing the ideas of designers before you, people who also ranted about creativity but were also just stealing ideas from the guys who came before them and so on and so on and so on until you get back to the first designer…a cavewoman named Oog who was searching all over the Paleolithic Era for a coffee table that went well with her sofa set.

So you made it thru design school, a full-fledged Graphic Designer… communicator of grand ideas and the ability to render complexity into simplicity and now you can't wait to get out there and start showing everyone what you can do. And 2 years later you've just finished doing the layout of your 23rd issue for a magazine called Filthy Babes in Pudding and you keep wondering if its possible to ever feel clean again.