How we streamlined the travel process at my firm…
The way this originally worked is that a team member came to me and told me the specifics of their travel. I would then research, create a series of options and bring them to the employee so they could choose what worked best. Generally this was a 20 minute process including the conversations between me and the traveler.
Apparently someone higher up (read: more time on their hands) at the firm thought it would be best to put a travel agency on retainer and to place another employee at my firm between me and that travel agent. This kind of process comes from one of those spectacularly stupid business manuals written by people who get into an absolute froth when creating company rules that make working here about as satisfying as masturbating with a cheese grater.
It used to be like this: Employee – Me – Research – Employee – Ticket purchase.
Total elapsed time Less than 20 minutes. Aggravation Level – Very Low
Only now I have the conversation with the employee and then have to feed all my information, questions and comments to this schmuck at the company and he then passes all that to the travel agent. This of course leads to an email shitstorm the likes of which has never been seen. On one of the debacles, there was (no joke) 59 emails back and forth to purchase a single ticket from NY to LA.
The new process is like this:
1. You tell Bob where and when you want to fly. Bob springs into action with all the speed of a blue whale attempting to ride a bike for the first time.
2. Two days pass…Bob emails the travel agent.
3. She tells Bob that we can save $11.57 if we book the flight immediately on AirKrupinski, an airline from a former communist regime so backward that they accept live chickens as passengers. There are some minor restrictions: You must fly at midnight, sit next to the non-functioning toilet on a three-legged folding chair and make stops in Sri Lanka, Ohio, Manitoba and The Kuiper Belt.
4. Two days pass…Bob calls me, mumbles a bit, then hangs up since he has forgotten why he called me.
5. One day passes…Bob emails me that he has passed on the information to the travel agent.
6. I tell Bob to tell the travel agent NOT to purchase the ticket as the employee cannot make that itinerary since they A. have not been inoculated against The Black Plague and B. do not own their own spacesuit.
7. Two days pass. Bob emails me a single line. "Itinerary is booked".
8. I stare a his email for a full 5 minutes, confused.
9. I email him back. "What do you mean, it's booked"?
10. Bob's response: "Who is this"?
11. I silently ask Jesus to smite Bob.
12. I email travel agent directly in hopes she has 3 to 4 more brain functioning cells than Bob. This may be a long-shot.
13. She says she has already booked the flight and if I want to make a change it will cost me an additional $2,871.58. She charges me $35 bucks for her fee.
14. She tells Bob to tell you that the flight is booked.
15. Bob sends you a confirmation telling you that the flight is booked.
16. Travel agent charges me $35 bucks.
17. Bob sends me a confirmation telling me that the flight is booked.
18. I email the travel agent and Bob, asking them to change the flight to one that allows the employee to return during the same calendar year in which they departed.
19. Both agent and Bob don't understand sarcasm, so they don't respond.
20. I email the travel agent (leaving Bob out so he may continue to focus on his other tasks…counting paperclips or something).
21. She says she can change the flight, however I must complete one task first . She says I must travel to Alturia and fight The Minotaur but all I will have is a Bic pen and a messy pile of unanswered emails to defend myself with.
22. I agree. I am desperate at this point.
23. Travel agent purchases new ticket, one that flies direct to LA from NY, but apparently occurred seven months ago, so lacking access to a functioning time machine I must ask her to "try again, Einstein".
24. Travel agent charges me $35 bucks.
25. Bob calls me.
26. I ignore Bob 's call.
27. Travel agent charges me $35 bucks.
28. Travel agent emails me and Bob with new itinerary. It is perfect…somehow.
29. Two days later, Bob calls to see if everything is, as he puts it "ok".
30. I tell Bob I wish a rabid wolverine would chomp on his genitals.
31. Bob becomes flustered and stammers for a solid 7 minutes.
32. I cant hear him as I have already hung up.
33. Travel agent charges me $35 bucks.
Total elapsed time: Slightly less than it takes dinosaur carcasses to turn into oil.
Aggravation level FUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKK!
Red tape always make work fun!
ReplyDeleteI think you should continue booking the flights yourself and charge the firm 35 bucks every time you press a key on your keyboard. You'll save them some money.
ReplyDeleteReposted here...my father's response:
ReplyDeleteDavid,
It makes an old mans heart proud and full to bursting with the knowledge that his son, his only son has his own blog. I once had a blog and had it surgically removed, people would stare at it and pretend it wasn't there but I knew by their gagging reaction it would be best to eliminate it.
So after only 13 operations you see the handsome fellow that is your father and you should thank your lucky stars that that gene wasn't passed on to you. It also amazes me that you have the time to read and write all this blography stuff and yet still can hold down a job.
You are still working aren't you? By the way did you ever thank me for the wonderful gift of humor that I passed on to you, no I dont remember either.And speaking of my mother she is fine but the nursing home has been quarantined, some sort of Norovirus.
The nursing home management passed out a leaflet describing this virus and its an education in science and a font of humor that only you would appreciate. Tags and keywords:Aerosolized vomitus, infectivity, contaminated surfaces or fomites, symptomatic stools and my favorite fecal-oral route.
Let this be a lesson you never know where you might be exposed to a new word or idea, not to mention a new disease that produces abdominal cramps, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea headache,fever and joint pain.
So remember wash your hands frequently no less than 30 to 40 times an hour for no less than 3 minutes each. I leave you with my thought of the day; Clostridium difficile.
A proud father,
Me