Kinkos
1. Are you comfortable telling people that you have to charge them $1.50 to open their PDF by claiming its a "file rendering" charge?
2. Can you attend our 4 week seminar on stapling?
3. Are you surly? If not, can you learn to be?
4. Are you willing to throw your hands up in exasperation and take your break every single time a customer asks you for anything including directions to the water fountain?
5. Do you know the difference between yellow and goldenrod paper?
6. Can you work the dreaded Midnight to 8am shift aka The Meth-head College Students doing their Resumes Mardi Gras?
7. Have you ever xeroxed your ass or mashed your zoobag on the copier glass, for fun?
8. Can you take a carefully collated and color coded stack of 2,789 pages from a very prestigious law firm and drop it on the floor? Can you then copy it and reassemble it completely out of order despite the fact that each page has a page number?
8a.Follow Up: Can you do that a few times per week?
Music Store
1. Do you know the difference between an Electric Guitar and a Bass?
1a. Follow Up: Do you pronounce "bass: like "base or like the fish"?
2. Do you giggle every time you say G String?
3. When heading to the restroom, are you willing to use the phrase "dropping the mike"?
4. Will you sneak into the store after hours so you can practice the drumming part at the end of the song In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins?
5. How many time have you seen KISS in concert, how often it too much?
This is a trick question…you can NEVER see KISS too often.
6. Are you such a good salesperson that you could sell a piano to a racist who doesn't believe that the white and black keys should touch?
7. If a customer comes in asking for sheet music to the truly awful song "Blake's Got A New Face" by Vampire Weekend are you willing to slap them repeatedly about the face and neck until they change their mind?
7a. Follow Up: Can you in fact hum that very song while slapping them?
Comic Book Store - The Sanctum Sanctorum
1. Have you now or in the past owned and maintained a shrine to the greatest comic artifact in human history…Stan Lee's Mustache?
2. What is your take on the Moebius vs. Kirby Drawing the Silver Surfer Conjecture?
3. Are you willing to read the entire Fantastic Four run by John Byrne even though it means not showering for a week?
4. Working at The Sanctum Sanctorum would be good for:
- A. Making me insufferable at ComicCon
- B. Make me more knowledgeable about Jack Kirby's Fourth World Series.
- C. Picking Up Girls.
Note: If you chose C, you are automatically disqualified, girls are as rare at The Sanctum Sanctorum as common sense is in a session of Congress.
5. Do you think that Batman complains about his dead parents too much?
6. Hal Jordan or Guy Gardner?
7. Have you ever had a serious conversation about whether the Thing's wang is made of rock or if he is smooth like a Ken doll?
8. Are you willing to make a clueless mom cry when she comes in for a birthday gift for her kid and asks for a copy of "Washmen"?
Pool Supply Store
1. Are you allergic to Chlorine?
2. Are you trained as a lifeguard?
3. If a pool is 20 feet by 15 feet, 5 feet deep with a ladder at one end and a set of stairs at the other end, how many boxes of Jell-O will you need to fill it?
Bonus points if you know how long it takes for that much Jello-O to set.
4. Are you applying because you saw a porno with the title "Pool Boy Gets It On", Poolin Around", The Pool Boy Gets Me Wet or Mrs. Johnson, you Need a Water Softener Because the Pool Boy is Too Hard"?
5. Do you know which end of the pool skimmer you place in the water?
6. Someone is drowning, they call out for a lifesaver, do you immediately think of the floating device or the candy?
7. In the previous question when you read "floating device" did you automatically think of large breasts"?
8. Have you ever recreated the infamous pool/candy-bar scene from Caddyshack?
Follow Up: Why not? Are you allergic to nuts?
Zookeeper's Assistant
1. Do you look good in khaki?
2. Do you need to wear a hat because you freckle easily? Will you supply your own hat? It must not say Federal Boob Inspector or something even more stupid like Donald Trump for President.
3. You are trapped in the Rhino habitat, it turns and charges at you. You:
- Run and climb the nearest tree.
- Sit down and start reciting the Lord's Prayer.
- Soil yourself violently.
4. Do you know the difference between a Tiger, Tigon, Liger, Ligon, Lion and a goldfish?
5. Have you ever thought about letting the Kangaroo into the Warthogs habitat to see if they would mate and produce the worlds first Wartaroo? What about a warthog and a flamingo to make the first Fartalingo?
6. When is it Ok to fling poop back at the Chimpanzee?
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