Do you hear that?

More Human Than Human is our motto...

Im sitting at my desk answering email.

Ava walks over and places a very sticky strip of tape on my arm.
Just as suddenly, she rips it off.

Me: "Ow! What did you do that for?"

Ava: "I need a sample of your DNA."

Me: "Wait…why? What are you going to do with it?"

Ava: "Hair Robots"

Me: "Hairy Robots?"

Ava: *she looks at me as if Im stupid*  "No…Robots powered by your hair."

Me: "Of course they are."

Special orders don't upset us...

We just finished watching the TV show Touch. In the show a young boy, Jake, is afflicted with something similar to Asperger's Syndrome.

At the end of the show, Ava is asking if there are real life children like Jake.

Me: Jake is just a character on the show. He is supposed to be a child who has something called Asperger's Syndrome".

Ava: "Assburgers!…what are Assburgers"?

Me: No… not AssBurgers… Aspergers…ASPERGERS.
Im trying to pronuce the "p" more clearly but it still sounds like Assburgers to me too.

Ava: Assburgers?

Me: Yes…it's when you take a ball of chopped meat, put it between your butt cheeks and then clench real tight. Thats how you make Assburgers.

Ava: Ewwww.

Gonna need to see some ID...

Mr. Burns: Ah, these minstrels will soothe my jangled nerves. 

Joey Ramone: I'd just like to say this gig sucks! 

Johnny Ramone: Up yours, Springfield! 

Joey Ramone: One, two, three, four! (singing a punk version of "Happy Birthday") 
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! 

Happy birthday, Burnsie, happy birthday to you! 

C.J. Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard! 

Marky Ramone: Hey, I think they liked us! 

Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed. 

Smithers: But, sir, those weren't the... 

Mr. Burns: Do as I say! 

Quick! Dial 9-1...uhhhh whats the rest?

We are waiting to make a turn into a parking lot
We are waiting because the emergency rescue truck is passing in front of us.

It parks.

A man who appears to be a minimum of 137 years old, creaks his way out of the truck's front seat and hobbles towards the store.

Me: That can't be someone who works for the emergency rescue unit.

Wife: Why not?

Me: Because that guy is so old, he was born before there were emergencies.

This just seems wrong...

What Would Chuck Lorre Do...

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #240

A wise man once told me that we are all God in drag. I like that. Sometimes when I'm in a public place or sitting at a stop light, I'll watch people walking by and I'll silently say to myself, "He's God. She's God. He's God. She's God." Before long I always find myself feeling a warm sense of affinity for these strangers. The experience is even more powerful when I do this while observing a person who is clearly suffering. 

On occasion I'll test my little spiritual practice by turning on Fox News. Within minutes I become an atheist.