Have you seen the paper?

One thing that hasn't changed by moving to Miami is my constant struggle for delivery of the New York Times paper. I'm not asking for a lot, I just want the Sunday paper, just once a week so I can sit down and attempt to get a heads up on the next fiasco.

Anyway, every Sunday I get up and go to the driveway and I keep my fingers crossed that it's there.

This morning, laying in bed, I thought it was a lot like the thought experiment known as Schrödinger's Cat.

So... in simple terms:  A cat, a flask of poison, and a  radioactive source are placed in a sealed box. If an internal monitor detects radioactivity (i.e. a single atom decaying), the flask is shattered, releasing the poison that kills the cat. The Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics implies that after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead. Yet, when one looks in the box, one sees the cat either alive or dead, not both alive and dead. This poses the question of when exactly quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other.

Anyway…

So I'm laying in bed and Im thinking that right now, right here as I lay in bed, the newspaper is definitely there laying on the ground waiting for me to scoop it up, get a comfy spot on the couch and read it…

…except the moment I actually get out there, I will collapse the superposition (the possibility that it is both there and not there) into the reality of it not being there.

And that means I won't get my paper again…and that makes me cry.

But it probably also makes Erwin Schrödinger smile.

Cartoon is the sole property of the very funny Mike Jacobsen of SeeMikeDraw.com

I feel so cheap...

After Dinner

Ava has received a Halloween Card from her grandmother.
She opens it and reads the cute saying on the inside.

Ten bucks falls out. 

Ava: "Yeah, man..ten bucks"!

Me: "That was nice of your grandma, wasn't it"?

Ava: "Yep…here go buy yourself something pretty".

Me: "Ummm"?

He has a ball…I have balls...

I've emailed a friend about my moving to Miami. She writes me:

Rachel: "Do you and LeBron James have some sort of secret deal where he leaves Miami and you head to Miami? Are you secretly LeBron James?? I mean, I have never seen you in the same room at the same time so…"

Me: Well isn’t it obvious…I mean look at the facts, woman!

Lebron is 6 foot 8, I am 6 foot 1.

Lebron is 250 lbs with a lot of muscle, I am 250 lbs with a lot of belly.

Lebron is Black, I am Black.

Lebron has 6 women hanging on him all the time, I have a 6-year old hanging on me all the time.

Lebron has mad skills on the court, I get mad if have to go to court.

It’s all right there, just read between the lines.

D.

Bruised Fruit...

Sunday night…Im not sure why these weird things always seem to happen on Sunday nights but here we go…

Scene One:

Fade In: The Living Room...Ava is clearly bored.

She is tying a long shoelace to my little toe.
Renee is watching intently to see where this goes.

Me: Ava, what are you doing"?

Ava: 'Working".

Me: "Listen, I know what happens next, you tie the knot too tight, my toe turns purple and I start to scream. Your mom says something clever, like "don't be so dramatic, you have 9 more". Then we end up at the emergency room."

I look up because Renee is laughing so hard that she is coughing but its not at what I said. She has been looking at the other end of the same shoelace and it's tied to Ava's little toe.

Still don't know what her plan was.

No Backsies!

She is such the delicate flower…

Sunday night. I am reading on the couch.
Ava runs over, turns her butt to me and farts.

Me: "Hey"!

Ava: "Once you get it…you can't un-get it".

Me: "That's sort of how I feel about you sometimes".

That's what who said?

Me: "It’s like 10 feet long"!
Anisah: "That’s what she said".


Me: "Just fit it all into a small box"!
Anisah: "That’s what she said".

Anisah: "Don’t mind me, im just gonna watch".
Me: "That’s what she said".

Ayten: "Oh! Its so big"!
Ayten: "That's what she said".

What! Five bucks a glass?

We have been unpacking for 2 weeks now…could be a month, sort of lost track. 

Lots of boxes, lots of crumpled paper, lots of stuff we didn't need to pack, like an entire box full of assorted teas… I tried to tell Renee that there was tea in Miami but she doesn't really trust me...

...been married too long for trust.

Anyway, I also found this note that Ava wrote when she was 3 or 4…

How you make Lemonade

First you start with lemons.

Then you put in water 

and then you (it is a secret) put in...

...9 SCOOPS OF SUGAR!