Sunday, November 17, 2013
Check out my 'stache...
If you are a 20-year old and this is the mustache you produce, you may want
to shave more often unless you want to be mistaken for a 13-year old white trash
kid who spends his days huffing paint in his parents garage while dreaming of the
day when he finally goes through puberty.
to shave more often unless you want to be mistaken for a 13-year old white trash
kid who spends his days huffing paint in his parents garage while dreaming of the
day when he finally goes through puberty.
Remember My Name...
What is it with the Trumps? Donald (The Donald, aka ToupeeMan, etc etc.) Trump likes to put his name in giant letters on everything he can. I mean it’s obviously an attempt to compensate for something… small wang would be my guess.
Anyway, his daughter seems to follow in his footsteps, she just released a photo of her new earring “design”. Of course at the base of the jewelry is a not-subtle-in-the-slightest letter "T”. I've been told, this stands for Trump, believe it or not.
Now bear with me, we’re gonna go off the path a bit here…
I grew up in the 70’s (just after the Mesozoic Era... when dinosaurs ruled the earth, it’s true, ask your parents) and during those years graffiti was everywhere: sides of buildings, cars, mailboxes, slow moving dogs and of course subway trains.
I know there are a lot of people out there who think Graffiti is a legitimate art style worthy of public praise, inclusion in their homes or The Lourve etc. but those people are stupid. Graffiti is done by low-level semi-criminals who have no respect for things that belong to others. And one thing I noticed is that graffiti is not so much a design or a picture as often as it is someones “tag”… their name, or if you will, their nome du vandalism.
But then it occurred to me, the reason they write their name in giant letters risking jail and sometime (depending on location) loss of life was because of one simple fact…they know they are not important, that in fact, they are uninteresting people who will be forgotten by just about everyone they ever meet, possibly even their parents.
So graffiti back then was sort of like FaceBook and Twitter today…shouting your name into the endless void and hoping someone, anyone out there will respond back or possibly even ask who you might be.
So the Trumps, in this half-assed attempt at an analogy, are just doing the same thing. They are uninteresting, sad people who have more fame than they deserve and they are just desperately afraid that if they don’t smear their freakin name over just everything they can, that 10 years from now, no one will know who they were or even care.
And you know what?…that really makes me smile.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
That's what my father told me...
We are watching a TV show, it features a family get-together where kids see their grandparents for the first time in a while. The grandfather is sort of stooped over and seemingly shorter than his wife.
Ava: "How come the grandfather is shorter than the grandmother"?
Me: "Thats what happens when you are married to the same person for a long time, you start to shrink".
Ava: (to Renee): "Is that true, Mom"?
Me: (continuing), "Yep, before my grandfather passed away he was 16 inches tall".
Can I get a little context here?
As I get older, I find myself less interested in bullshit and more interested in people thinking before they speak. After all, in a world overtaken by "social" media, we find ourselves surrounded by an absolutely ungodly amount of stupid people suddenly given voice.
I can assure you 100% that there are so, so many people who shouldn't be allowed to speak to other human beings, never mind be allowed to push their inane drivel out into the electronic world…
…kind of like me and this blog.
Anyway, Sunday mornings I usually read the NY Times, it's a big-ass phone book weight pile of paper that takes a good 4 hours to cull through and that's only if you skip any articles that deal with politics, Kim Kardashian, why you will never be classy enough to understand modern dance and every other story that aims to explain why exotic travel is just the best thing ever, except for the times when you get kidnapped and sold into a brothel 10,000 miles away from home.
Anyway, I digress…
So there is a small weekly article called "Sunday Routine". Generally the article is a multi-point description of a particular person and what they do in NYC on a Sunday. They are generally very interesting and fun to read and I look forward to them…until today.
The person they chose this week was Irv "Mr. G" Gikovsky. He has been around since I was a kid and he is a fairly famous weatherman, although I think I am supposed to call him a "meteorologist" cause that sounds better than "guy who gets things right 15% of the time".
Anyway, one of the things they touched on was that he is currently training for the NYC Marathon. It is no doubt, a difficult task, I have friends who train and run it, it takes quite a bit of discipline, training and fortitude to compete in it. No question.
About this topic, he is quoted as saying:
"The marathon reveals the human spirit at its best".
Nine words that very succinctly prove that people, even educated people are actually stupid.
You have to be kidding me, running a long time reveals the human spirit at its best?
What about people who help get torture victims out of their countries, or people who provide safe haven for battered women, or homeless shelter staff that provide food and clothes to people who have no where else to turn?
What about firefighters? Are there many jobs you know of where the pay sucks and you still run into a goddamn building on fire to save someone's cat?
What about people who jump into frozen lakes to save strangers?
What about the passengers on Flight 93, who gave their lives to stop the hijackers from hitting their target?
How about a zillion other people who make the world a better place. It's a really freakin long list and I'm grateful its long because it tells me that human beings are still worth something.
But I know one thing…Irv "Mr. G" Gikovsky is not on that fuckin list.
I can assure you 100% that there are so, so many people who shouldn't be allowed to speak to other human beings, never mind be allowed to push their inane drivel out into the electronic world…
…kind of like me and this blog.
Anyway, Sunday mornings I usually read the NY Times, it's a big-ass phone book weight pile of paper that takes a good 4 hours to cull through and that's only if you skip any articles that deal with politics, Kim Kardashian, why you will never be classy enough to understand modern dance and every other story that aims to explain why exotic travel is just the best thing ever, except for the times when you get kidnapped and sold into a brothel 10,000 miles away from home.
Anyway, I digress…
So there is a small weekly article called "Sunday Routine". Generally the article is a multi-point description of a particular person and what they do in NYC on a Sunday. They are generally very interesting and fun to read and I look forward to them…until today.
The person they chose this week was Irv "Mr. G" Gikovsky. He has been around since I was a kid and he is a fairly famous weatherman, although I think I am supposed to call him a "meteorologist" cause that sounds better than "guy who gets things right 15% of the time".
Anyway, one of the things they touched on was that he is currently training for the NYC Marathon. It is no doubt, a difficult task, I have friends who train and run it, it takes quite a bit of discipline, training and fortitude to compete in it. No question.
About this topic, he is quoted as saying:
"The marathon reveals the human spirit at its best".
Nine words that very succinctly prove that people, even educated people are actually stupid.
You have to be kidding me, running a long time reveals the human spirit at its best?
What about people who help get torture victims out of their countries, or people who provide safe haven for battered women, or homeless shelter staff that provide food and clothes to people who have no where else to turn?
What about firefighters? Are there many jobs you know of where the pay sucks and you still run into a goddamn building on fire to save someone's cat?
What about people who jump into frozen lakes to save strangers?
What about the passengers on Flight 93, who gave their lives to stop the hijackers from hitting their target?
How about a zillion other people who make the world a better place. It's a really freakin long list and I'm grateful its long because it tells me that human beings are still worth something.
But I know one thing…Irv "Mr. G" Gikovsky is not on that fuckin list.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
What an appropriate title...
From the designer's website:
Poul Brouwer is an Amsterdam based fashion designer. He graduated from the Gerrit Rietveld Academy in 2012 with a collection called SHAME. His concepts always derive from a personal story or experience. This story guides him in his way to discover new shapes and silhouettes for men. Recognizable in his work is the pure, clean and graphical aesthetic.
Well... this certainly sounds like a tremendous load of bullshit, but don't take my word for it, take a look at these designs and tell me if you don't think that this is a man who has clearly stopped taking his meds...
Tag...you're it.
There is a company in my building that seems to employ a large collection of inconsiderate hipsters whose sole function seems to be to irritate me on a daily basis.
Be unable to simply walk up or down a single flight of stairs. Even when going from 2 to 1, you must wait for the elevator and hold everyone up.
Have a high threshold for people who cannot seem to find the time to wash themselves at least once a day and perhaps use deodorant or run a comb thru their hair.
If you are a guy, you must take no less than 34 smoke breaks per day.
If you are a woman, you must engage in very intense debates about why frozen yogurt has become so "mainstream".
You must not mind being crammed into a glass room with 25 other unwashed creative types* even when that room was designed to house 12 people.
*What’s the deal with creative types, I think I am at least reasonably creative and somehow I manage to shower, brush my teeth and not substitute smoking for good hair care.
If you are a woman going to lunch with another woman, you must say something as stupid as “Im going to Chipotle, do you wanna split a salad"?
Two on a fuckin salad, that has got to be a sign of some impending apocalypse, don’t you think?
How do you even advertise for that kind of person?
Anyway... it seems that in order to work at that firm you must:
Have a high threshold for people who cannot seem to find the time to wash themselves at least once a day and perhaps use deodorant or run a comb thru their hair.
If you are a guy, you must take no less than 34 smoke breaks per day.
If you are a woman, you must engage in very intense debates about why frozen yogurt has become so "mainstream".
You must not mind being crammed into a glass room with 25 other unwashed creative types* even when that room was designed to house 12 people.
*What’s the deal with creative types, I think I am at least reasonably creative and somehow I manage to shower, brush my teeth and not substitute smoking for good hair care.
You must listen only to music that is very obscure, edgy and new and you must love it even if it sucks. In fact the shittier it is, the more aggravating you find it…the more you must talk about how great it is.
Dude with Beard: bobbing his head up and down, to co-worker in elevator: "Man, this new album by The Afro Unicycles is amazing".
Dude with No Beard: "I know, right? I bought the album this morning”.
Dude with Beard immediately removes headphones and deletes album…”fuckin’ sellouts”.
If you are the older guy in the group you must teach the younger men your theory that women who don’t like you are obviously lesbians.
Anytime you are waiting for the elevator and the door opens, you must tilt your head like a confused dog, look at those of us in the elevator and ask which way its going.
Two on a fuckin salad, that has got to be a sign of some impending apocalypse, don’t you think?
You must be as large a douchebag as possible. I'm standing in the elevator with this idiot wearing a Fantastic Four logo on his shirt.
Me: Nice shirt, do you collect comics?”
Him: Looks down at his shirt, "No, I just liked the logo".
Me: Holding back insane urge to pick him up by his collar and slap his face vigorously.
Five minutes later, back at my desk...
Me: "Fuckin douchebag in the elevator"...I tell the story to the staff.
Chris: "Did you pick him up by his collar and slap his face vigorously"?
Me: No…and it may have been the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.
And lastly...
You must extol the virtues of the corner coffee guy and then talk shit about how Starbucks is so commercial and degrading just like "the man". But a word of advice, at Starbucks you see the coffee made in front of you start to finish and the corner coffee guy doesn’t have a place to pee…so you figure it out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)