ONSCREEN:
MPAA rating - This trailer should never be viewed by anyone… anywhere.
VOICEOVER:
From the studio that brought you Love in a Pinto, Strangers in Pantaloons and Don't Touch My Pits! comes a vibrant and intellectually challenging story of redemption, ennui, nausea, poor penmanship, tragedy and slapstick...
FADE IN:
Lightning crashes, thunder rolls...a homeless man, yells "Whooooo"! Helicopter shot, we are racing over New York City.
VOICEOVER:
"In a world where anything can happen because we couldn't find a decent script but still have to get people into the theater".
CUT TO…
A kitten meows
A car explodes.
A man turns to the camera, startled. "Who are you"?
The Millennium Falcon, clearly stolen from the film Star Wars flies by the screen.
VOICEOVER:
"In a world where men and women get along all the time and dinosaurs are hired as baristas at Starbucks"…
CUT TO:
A chicken plays tic tac toe
Fighter planes race by, people look up and point
A kitten farts.
Same man…"no seriously, man, who the fuck are you"?
VOICEOVER:
In the future, when gas is seven bucks a gallon and milk costs even more…one man will rise up and show the world what a true hero is".
CUT TO:
Farmer milking cow….slowly.
Same man again "Gimme that camera, you bastard"!
Godzilla puppet on hand driving a car, people honking behind him.
Old woman folding socks.
VOICEOVER:
In a season, thats not winter, fall or spring…a sock puppet and his owner will take on the mantle of a dark knight (can we say that?, I don't want to get sued.) …um A Dark Evening type hero…
CUT TO:
Godzilla puppet (dyed black, mask askew on face..."Im Batman!"
Car explodes
Boat crashes
Hindenberg falls out of the sky.
VOICEOVER:
In a time when watches only go to 11:00pm, where calendars only have 8 months of pages…
CUT TO:
A child lets go of his balloon and it floats away. He cries.
The father laughs and points…" HA, HA, weenie"!
Boy falls to his knees… "NOOOOOOOOOOO"!
VOICEOVER:
This summer…or spring. Prepare yourself for a tour de force (whatever that means). A film that combines the special effects of Logan's Run, the romanticism of Schindler's List, the lust and bawdiness of The Muppets Take Manhattan and the random explosions of Michael Bay in a mishmash of bad writing, random neuron firings and if you're lucky some naked titties.
Remember to bring your whole family..and at least 200 bucks, popcorn aint getting any cheaper.
ON SCREEN:
Coming Soon.
