Daddy doesn't understand...

Me: "So did you have a good night's sleep"?

3 year old Daughter: "Yes"

Me: "Did you have a nice dream"?

3 year old Daughter: "Yes"

Me: Well... what did you dream about"?

3 year old Daughter: hesitantly..."kissing".

Me: "Umm...kissing who"?

3 year old Daughter: "Zapp Brannigan".

a wise man said...

"Right now this is just a job.

If I advance any higher...that would make this my career.

And if this were my career, I would have to throw myself in front of a train.

So, really, it's a matter of life and death".

Jim, from The Office on NBC.

a little respect, please...

I have to preface this by saying that what my brother-in-law is asking me is not unusual. Although in most civilized societies, one should dress appropriately for a memorial service...well...Bensonhurst, Brooklyn has never been all that civilized.

In fact at this service there were several men wearing giant clunky gold chains, tank tops, cargo shorts and flip flops and one woman who defies explanation...

Wait, Ill try...

She had hair teased up about 2 feet above her head, a tremendous amount of makeup, hoop earrings that were no less than 18" in diameter. She was squeezed into a t-shirt that was failing at its job of covering her entire belly, a pair of 6 inch lucite stripper heels and she was cursed or blessed with a set of tits that were in clear violation of every object in the universe that is governed by gravity.

Anyway...

Brother In Law: Wearing a suit tomorrow?

Me: Well I was thinking of wearing something else but my conversation with the wife went like this:

Me: “So, babe, Im thinking of going to the memorial in my Batman Costume.

Wife: “Sounds like something you would do”.

Me: And during my sister's reading, Im going to swing in from a chandelier, crash into the podium, grab my sister by the shirt and when she says “Who the hell are you”? Ill look into her very soul and say “IM BATMAN!” Then Ill jump to the floor and yell “Whoosh!” and run out the back of the church.

Wife: “Whatever…just promise me you won’t pee in the holy water basin again”.

Me: “I promise NOTHING! …Whoosh”! And then I ran off.

So I think I have to wear a suit.